Hey there, Gastro-Gladiator,
You thought that extra-spicy taco, questionable gas station sushi, or fifth cup of coffee was a good idea.
Your stomach disagrees. Violently.
Now you’re curled up like a sad cinnamon roll, regretting every life decision since breakfast and Googling things like “Can I survive with no intestines?” and “Why does my belly hate me?”
Don’t panic. You’re not dying.
(Probably.)
Buckle in, belly battler. We’re diving into Code Brown recovery mode with the finesse of a cat meme and the wisdom of your grandma’s heating pad.
Step 1: Drop the Fork and Step Away from the Spices
No more chili, curry, or triple espresso madness. Your gut needs bland, boring, beige foods right now.
Think toast, rice, bananas, oatmeal — aka the “We’re Sorry, Stomach” meal plan.
Bonus points if it looks like hospital food.
Sipping warm peppermint tea or ginger water is like playing lullabies for your raging insides. These magical herbs say, “Hey stomach, let’s not implode today.”
💡 Want backup? Check out our list of Top 10 Products for Stomach Pain Relief — probiotics, heating pads, teas, and one thing that looks suspiciously like a medieval belt but works like a dream.
Apply a heating pad gently to your abdomen.
Not boiling lava — just toasty. Your intestines are protesting; this is how you negotiate.
Pro tip: Don’t use your laptop as a heating pad. Been there. Regretted that.
Water. Electrolytes. Coconut water if you’re fancy.
Avoid soda unless you enjoy burping the national anthem and making things worse.
This is not the time to test if you’re “still lactose intolerant.” You are. We all are today.
Give your gut a day off from cheese crimes and creamy conspiracies.
🚨 See a doctor. It could be appendicitis, ulcers, gallstones, or the ghost of every bad buffet you’ve ever visited. Don’t wait.
Your stomach may be mad now, but we’ll win it back — one bland meal and peppermint burp at a time.
You’ve got this, Gut Warrior.
Stay Calm and Keep Pepto Close,
Team ItHurts.com
🍽️ Where Stomach Screams Meet Soothing Solutions
Want more painful laughs and life-saving products?
Follow us on IG @ithurtscom and scroll through memes so funny they’ll make you forget your bowels are misbehaving.
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PLEASE NOTE: None of this is medical advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not medical advice or a solicitation to buy any supplements or medications, or to make any medical decisions. Always be careful. Always consult a professional. You can see our full terms of service here. Additionally, we may earn a commission from qualifying purchases on some products/services that we link to, through Amazon Associates or other programs; but, we only link to brands that we believe in