Ah yes, menstruation — nature’s monthly reminder that your uterus is a drama queen with you Monthly Betrayal and control issues.
For the blissfully unaware (we’re looking at you, Chad), menstrual pain — or dysmenorrhea, if you want to sound like a very fancy, very angry scientist — is the ultimate Monthly Betrayal. Your uterus contracts to evict its lining like a bad roommate after a three-day eviction notice. In the process, it releases prostaglandins — biochemical gremlins that basically scream, “Let’s make this hurt.”
Fun fact: prostaglandins are also responsible for labor contractions. So if you’ve ever wanted a mini taste of childbirth, congratulations! Your subscription to Uterus Pain Monthly is active.
Now, let’s talk about surviving this glorious blood sport:
A heating pad is basically the fairy godmother of menstrual survival. Slap it on your abdomen, your back, heck — your entire body if you have to. Think of it as offering a warm peace treaty to the rebellious organ inside you.
Pro Tip: Microwave it until it’s just shy of setting your bed on fire. Maximum cozy, minimal lawsuits.
Ibuprofen isn’t just your friend — it’s your war general.
But timing matters: take it BEFORE your cramps turn your lower body into a Game of Thrones battle scene. It blocks those prostaglandin gremlins before they can start flipping tables.
It sounds wrong, like pineapple on pizza, but light movement can actually help.
Walking, gentle yoga, interpretive dance to your “Period Rage” playlist — whatever gets blood flowing and those sweet endorphins pumping.
(Important: “Exercise” does not mean sprinting like you’re being chased by bills. We’re talking low-key movement, not athletic despair.)
Science says dark chocolate (at least 70% cocoa) is rich in magnesium, which can ease muscle tension.
I say, chocolate is rich in moral victory. Snack responsibly… or not. This is a judgment-free zone.
I know, I know — drinking water when you already feel bloated is like paying rent on a haunted house.
But staying hydrated actually reduces bloating and helps your muscles (including your cranky uterus) chill out a little.
If your cramps feel like they could be used as medieval torture devices or routinely wreck your ability to function, talk to a healthcare provider.
Conditions like endometriosis or fibroids deserve real attention — not just “Here’s a heating pad, sweetie” energy.
Sure, you can survive menstrual pain solo like the majestic, caffeine-fueled warrior you are…
Or you can squad up.
If you need a place where people actually understand why you cried at a dog food commercial, overcooked mac & cheese, and the betrayal of your own uterus —
🎯 Come hang out at ItHurts Community!
It’s basically like a secret society, but instead of weird handshakes, we swap heating pad tips, meme therapy, and questionable advice about how much chocolate is “too much.” (Answer: it doesn’t exist.)
Because sometimes, surviving cramps requires caffeine, sarcasm, and a whole community of fellow warriors cheering you on.
For more tips and personal stories on managing back pain, visit us at ItHurts.com
PLEASE NOTE: None of this is medical advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not medical advice or a solicitation to buy any supplements or medications, or to make any medical decisions. Always be careful. Always consult a professional. You can see our full terms of service here. Additionally, we may earn a commission from qualifying purchases on some products/services that we link to, through Amazon Associates or other programs; but, we only link to brands that we believe in
